Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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