She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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