I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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