This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
