Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
We need a shit load of segways right now
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
