i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
