so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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