What a fucking waste of an outfit
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
