Small penises have feelings too.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
