You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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