that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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