Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
