I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
