Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
