if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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