thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I need water and some morals
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
