The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Randomize
