She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Randomize
