Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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