I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
