It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
