I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
