So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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