hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
