is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
