My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
