You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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