I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
