Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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