goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
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