she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
