Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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