We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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