So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
