Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
