I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
