Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He better not be in your backpack
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
