Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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