i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
