Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
