can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
