i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I wish you could order shots online.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
