If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
and she was petting her beer can
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
