the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
