Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
