i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize