apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
