she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
