Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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