well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
