i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
