even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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