apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I believe in your delicious
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize