Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
