Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
