I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
