my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
my shit smells like andre
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
