She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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