ya dads aren't the best wingmen
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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