his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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