Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
