You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
