new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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