i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I've blown a few things in my day
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
