you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You're a waste of cheezeits
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
