Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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