STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
